Let’s be honest.
Women play games.
All of them.
Especially when ‘testing’ a man to see how easily manipulatable he is.
I’m not saying they’re bad or wrong to do this. It’s totally natural and mostly unconscious. Most women probably wouldn’t know how to not play games to test a man’s… malleability.
But, there’s a cheat code that men should know.
It gets instant respect, admiration and attraction from any woman… especially your wife.
If you’re single and still in the dating game, it works just as well. In fact, both my wife, and at least two of my male coaching clients’ wives, have literally said that the man using this ‘cheat code’ is exactly why they were attracted to him in the first place.
It’s actually very simple and it works like this.
A woman will try to test a man by “playing” with his boundaries, in order to know if he’ll stand by his boundary, protecting it. Her (usually unconscious) thinking is: if he doesn’t protect the boundary, how will he ever protect me and the whole family?
When I started seeing Rachida, one time we went out shopping. She was a little surprised that I didn’t mind at all that she was picking out clothes she thought looked good on me. She was expecting some ‘push back’ or defensiveness over my ‘style’.
Fact is, I never cared much about fashion.
When it comes to vanity, I was always a lot more concerned about physical training and being strong. (This by the way, is far less important to most women than the way you dress. Still, I just can’t get myself to care much about dressing well… but I never go more than a week without some rigorous physical training).
The point is, I was almost ‘too’ easily manipulatable in this area, to the point where this ‘test’ almost didn’t count.
If it had ‘pushed my buttons’ to have her critique my sense of dress, it would have been a very different story. If I got defensive or offended that she thought my ‘Super Dry’ hoodies were only appropriate as gifts to the homeless, then I STILL let her change them, I would have failed the test.
Not the fashion test. (I failed that way before our first date!)
But, the “healthy emotional boundaries” test that she probably didn’t even consciously know she was conducting.
Another example is one time when I absolutely passed the test:
Early on, when we were talking on the phone but she didn’t know if she was going to be attracted to me, Rachida tried “Friend Zoning” me.
“Hey, when we meet in person, if it doesn’t work out, we can still be friends”.
My response?
One word:
“No.”
I have plenty of friends. The last thing I need is some attractive woman trapping me in the friend zone while I waste mental energy trying to convince her that she should see me as more than that.
Turns out, that was a display of a healthy emotional boundary.
The secret to passing every test a woman tries playing on you, before or after marriage, is simple.
Be ABSOLUTELY clear with yourself and her about where your (and her) feelings come from and what can and cannot cause them.
Sure, you can change my clothes. I have no feelings or even preference about that. If I did, I’d let you know and probably wouldn’t even go shopping with you – and it would be totally my issue, not yours.
No, you can’t be my friend. If that hurts your feelings, with all due respect, that’s too bad. We’ll have to see if this whole ‘marriage’ thing works out.
There are probably a hundred other ways a woman ‘looks for’ a man’s emotional boundaries. Pretending to be upset over something you say, to see if you’ll change your mind. Guilt-tripping. Reverse-psychology. Asking for something, then complaining when you give it. The list goes on.
Women – especially attractive women – have to do this early on to find out which of the many guys that are attracted to her are actually going to stick with her and protect her over the long term. This is as hard-wired for them as it is for guys to look at women to see if they find them physically attractive.
If you want to master the cheat code to ’emotional attractiveness’ so that your wife (or the woman you’re hoping will be your wife) just ‘knows’ you’re the one she should be tripping over herself chasing and not letting go of… then it may be worth hiring me to get some coaching on it:
The games women play are win-able. You just need to know how to play the game (and actually become the kind of man she’s always dreamed of playing them with).