A question came in from a client…
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Dear Mamoon,
For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been talking with a guy and he lives on the other side of the country to me, but I went to his city for work and let him know I would be there and we met up and we went out on a “halal” date.
We got on really well. He said he enjoyed himself and that he would like to meet again and that I should let him know the next time I’m in his city.
That was a few days ago.
And since then he hasn’t contacted me. Should I let him know that I’m going to be in his city again next week for work?
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My answer…
NO.
No, no, no, no NO!!!
Let me explain.
The more you inconvenience yourself and bend over backwards to try and make life more convenient for the guy that you may be interested in, the more you’re giving the signal that you value him and you are more into him, than he is into you.
It is basic chivalry for a Muslim man to go and visit the woman he’s interested in, in her hometown and NOT to make her trek to the other side of the country for him.
This is on a level of simple etiquette, from my humble (but accurate!) perspective.
Also, given that you just met the guy, I wouldn’t have told him in the first place that you would be in his hometown.
In fact, if he invited you to come to his hometown to visit him, I would respond with:
“I think it would be better for you to come and visit me”.
Why?
Because he’s the guy!
He’s the one who puts on his suit of armour and marches across the country to go and find the princess.
But of course, if the princess is constantly available and is so insecure and needy and desperate for love that she’ll bend over backwards and come visit him on the other side of the country, then… firstly, her Princess status is reduced. And secondly, there’s no way of knowing if the guy is really interested in you, or if he’s just a little bit interested in you and you’re making it so nice and convenient that he’s got nothing to lose anything by meeting up.
Don’t get me wrong.
You probably would get the date if you told him you were in town.
But the truth is you don’t just want a date with some guy. You want to marry your optimal partner. The key thing to know about your Optimal Partner is that… He’ll be TOTALLY into you. He would lift weights, climb mountains, slay dragons and yes, even take the train to find you.
Unless you already absolutely know that he’s really into you, you want him to work a little bit to earn the right to have the blessing to spend some time with you.
Giving advice and strategy on things like dating and how to meet and marry your optimal spouse is really easy and receiving that advice is really easy, but…
…Following the advice and implementing it requires something more.
It requires that you naturally, effortlessly embody certain virtues like resilience, presence and confidence and that you’re not plagued with inner-troubles like insecurity, fear and self doubt.
In order to get yourself in the optimal mindset to attract a partner, the number one thing you’ve got to do is improve your relationship with Allah.
That automatically leads you to embodying your highest, best, most attractive self.
How exactly do you do that?
Check out the my brand new coaching programme, “The Spiritual Switch”, which will be released shortly.
You can read the details here:
