A question comes up every now and then as to whether it is actually worth having a Muslim life or relationship coach, given that during coaching itself, the professional isn’t supposed to give advice. We’re not imams or sheikhs and we don’t pretend to be.
Why not just why not hire someone who’s great at the job?
If you wanted to get better at football, you wouldn’t necessarily hire a foot of Muslim football coach. You would just hire the best football coach you could find, right?
As a general rule, I think that we should always go for the best coach or service provider we can find and not necessarily the Muslim equivalent. However, there are certain areas of life where working with a Muslim Coach will automatically make things quicker, easier and more effective.
That’s because unless your coach has inbuilt knowledge and a keen intuition of the dynamics of your situation, they’re in a bit of a mine field when it comes to working out how Muslims think about certain kinds of relationships.
Take dating for example.
Sure, you could hire a non-Muslim dating coach.
But you’d have to explain to them all of the different dynamics of Muslim relationships before marriage. It’s not just the fact that we avoid intimacy outside of marriage… that’s just the beginning.
It’s also that in our community dating itself is questionable. I was once invited to speak on a Muslim TV channel about how I support single Muslims to find love… and the whole time I was grilled on whether it was haram or halal. (My response: No – it’s sunnah to get married. And when you do it right, so are the steps you take to choosing the right partner).
If your coach isn’t Muslim, you’d have to spend valuable coaching session time explaining (maybe even justifying) how ‘looking’ for a partner and ‘talking’ with them for the purpose of getting married works for us… and why it doesn’t involve trying to get the other person in bed as soon as possible.
You’d need to explain why your parents are so insistent that they meet the parents of the person you’re dating… literally as soon as you tell them about it.
You’d have to explain why you normally don’t tell your parents about everyone you’re talking to, and why it’s a very big deal when you do introduce them to someone. (And why there’s a very big chance they’ll say no).
Also, awkward things like getting ‘caught’ by your auntie gee with someone they don’t know in public… and why that could turn out to be a problem.
Obviously, these examples aren’t always the case, but it happens a lot with Asian and Arab families, unless you’re in a very rare situation where you and your parents are extremely close.
There are there are many more tiny day to day problems and issues that the average Muslim faces before they get married and that the average person who isn’t Muslim doesn’t tend to think about.
In the long run, this all works out way better for the Muslim seeking marriage. There is definitely tremendous benefit for women in knowing that the norm in our community is to avoid intimacy outside of marriage… versus serial hooking up. And for men, there’s a tremendous blessing in knowing that you can approach a Muslim woman without feeling any pressure to do something haram to make your intentions clear and move the relationship forward.
That’s just one small relationship dynamic.
There are also factors like if you’re a woman in your 30s, explaining why it’s not always easy to tell your parents that you want to move out of their home before you’re married.
All of this stuff can be awkward to explain to someone who doesn’t automatically “get it”.
If you want to talk to someone who totally does “get it”, who has been through all of the challenges and delights and ups and downs of Muslim relationship dynamics… and has experienced, or worked with people, from many different backgrounds and in all kinds of different marriage and family relationships… and who will automatically “get” your situation without judging it at all…
….And someone who most importantly, has the tools and the understanding of the mind and the soul works that gives them the rare ability to create a space where truly transformational insight can happen… In. Every. Session.
…Then it’s time you speak with one of us.
You can apply for a session with me and my team of coaches, using the link below, but fair warning:
Not everybody who applies will get a session right away.
There are only a handful of coaches and literally thousands of people who are likely to want a coaching session.
My advice?
Fill out the application form below. If you’re a successful applicant you’ll either get a direct link to a coach’s calendar or you’ll be put on a prioritised waiting list.
And as soon as space opens up on our coaches calendars, we will send you an email to let you know.
The sooner you apply for a session, the more likely you are to get one.
Here’s where you can apply if you want to optimise your relationships:
