I recently had a question from a client:
“The other day I was out with my family and I saw the mother of my ex-fiance. I gave her the nicest smile and she gave me the meanest, most horrible look like she wanted something really bad to happen to me.”
At this point the client was on the verge of tears just recounting the event.
My response:
“Awwh, it must be really hard to live in your head.”
She quickly snapped out of it and became curious about what I meant.
“Here’s the scoop”, I explained…
If the way someone looks at you, or talks to you, or behaves towards you impacts you to the point that it brings you to tears… you’ve got a problem.
And it’s probably not the problem you think.
The problem isn’t that they’re being a big old meanie.
(That’s their problem, not yours).
The problem is that you’re still living under the illusion that the outside world – something other than the God-given gift of thought – has the power to cause your feelings.
Now you might be thinking – “but wait a minute… she did give me a really mean look” or “they did say something horrible” or “they did mistreat me with outrageous behaviour”.
And I would agree with you.
I’m not doubting that at all.
But again, that’s not the problem. The problem is that when you think about all that, you get really upset.
And the reason you get upset is not because of what they did or said. The reason you get upset is because of the way you’re thinking about what they did or said, in this moment.
If this seems like a small distinction, then you’re missing something big.
Let’s do a quick thought-experiment:
- Bring your full awareness and attention into this moment.
- Notice your breathing.
- Bring your attention into your body.
- Notice what it’s like to have feet. (How do you know your feet and legs are there, without looking at them…?)
- Ask yourself the following question, then pause and appreciate your mind quieting down: Ask yourself, “I wonder what my next thought will be…” and pause.
Are you fully aware and alive and present at this moment with a quiet mind?
Good. Now here’s a question:
What happened to all those negative feelings that brought a tear to your eyes a few minutes ago?
She replied: “They’re gone”.
Exactly.
And the fact that they can appear and disappear at the speed of thought means that it wasn’t the mean person doing or saying mean things that was causing your feelings… it was your upset thinking that was causing your upset feelings.
And the moment you become present, or change your mind, or even just start thinking about something else… all that negativity falls away.
“Woah…”
Becoming more aware of the present moment and giving it your full attention has the power to ‘reset the mechanism’ and return you to your natural state of inner peace.
This state of blissful mindfulness, or ‘no-thought’ is always available. And it’s always only a thought away.
If you want to literally never be concerned with anything that anyone thinks of you, or says to you, or does to you, ever again, then this program will be life-changing for you:
