Most men either let themselves be pushed around by women or they become controlling and domineering. Both of these are unpleasant qualities to say the least.
The guy who lets himself be pushed around becomes a “People Pleaser” and unbelievably unattractive to all women. The guy who’s constantly trying to control and be domineering towards women (the “Insecure Man-Child”) can occasionally be somewhat attractive, but the whole time they’re being kind of mean and ugly (not to mention, sinning)… and it only really works with very insecure women.
If you want to naturally attract the optimal spouse for you, then there’s a beautiful balance in between the two that requires you to drop the “Psychological Illusion” that leads to both of these extremes.
Both of these extremes of being domineering and letting yourself be pushed around, come from a misunderstanding of how the mind works, and where feelings come from.
Mr. Nice guy who gets pushed around, believes that he will get attention and affection and love from a woman if he just does what she wants. He becomes increasingly frustrated at the fact that no matter how much he does what the woman tells him to, she isn’t any more attracted to him. This guy almost always ends up in the friend zone.
Nice guy, but not a viable husband.
On the other extreme, the domineering “Man-Child” isn’t just dominant, he’s also very insecure. It’s not the kind of dominance that a woman desires in an attractive, centered, grounded man. It’s the kind of dominance that’s rooted in the insecurity that if she doesn’t do what I want, then I’ll get really upset and angry. And the arrogant belief that she should do exactly what I want… because I’m the man.
This is masculine energy gone wrong and turned into sinful behavior.
The beautiful balance in between comes when the man realizes that no matter what a woman does or says, his feelings do not come from her and do not depend on her.
When he realizes this he can – in the most loving way possible – be the leader of the relationship.
Most women are very attracted to this.
A woman doesn’t want to choose where to go on a date, she wants the man to make that choice. Most women I’ve coached over the years say they’d rather go on a date to a restaurant they don’t like, to have food they don’t like, and sit a the table they wouldn’t choose, that was all chosen by the man… rather than getting everything they want, but to have to all the responsibility and the hassle of making all of those decisions for both of them. In the end, it indicates that the man wasn’t capable of being a decision maker. He wasn’t a truly loving leader.
Yes, these are broad generalizations and they’re based in general principles of masculinity and femininity.
But what is not a general principle – what holds true for all people all the time – is the fact that a man’s feelings do not come from the woman he is with, just as the woman’s feelings don’t come from the man she’s with.
The moment a man becomes aware of this fact (by going through the Psychological Switch), is the moment that a lot of positive, powerful changes happen for him:
- He no longer fails all of the woman’s ‘tests’
- He no longer needs to be a “player” because he realizes the power and thrill he feels from all that playing, really just comes from thought and…
- … he realises that he won’t find the happiness and love he’s really searching for no matter how much he dates.
- He no longer gets played because most of the games that women tend to play during the dating phase don’t work when a man is absolutely clear on the source of his feelings and experience.
- He no longer lets the woman believe that she can control his feelings and experience – which makes him a very grounded, effortlessly attractive man who passes all her ‘tests’ with flying colours.
