With the exception of specific circumstances, the general answer is ‘no’. There is a huge emphasis in Islam on ‘mending family ties’ and keeping good relationships with people, no matter how badly they treat you.
In fact, there’s a beautiful hadith, mentioned in the chapter on ‘Peace’ in the book, “Inside the Soul of Islam”, in which the Prophet, peace & blessings upon him, beautifully describes the primordial path to eternal Paradise:
“Dear People, spread peace, feed the hungry, mend family ties, pray at night while others sleep and you’ll enter Paradise in peace.”
The part worth emphasising for our purposes is: “mend family ties”. This is the polar opposite of “cut family ties”, which is generally speaking the harshest (hence least Prophetic) way we can treat someone.
“Family ties” here means relationships with people to whom you’re connected through your mother’s womb - and extends out to other family members from there.
Here’s the key point for me: being good to people who are good to you is so basic that it’s not even worth mentioning. Not doing that makes you the bad guy. The tricky part is being good and keeping connection with people who are bad towards you. That’s what makes this an action that leads you into Paradise.
This puts us in a difficult position, which is a feature of the God-designed program called ‘life’, not a glitch. When the family member in question is your mother, you’ve got to figure out how to maintain ties (at least be cordial with them) and show them as much goodness as possible for you. Keep in mind that the more difficult this is - being a mother doesn’t necessarily equate to being saint - the more reward and spiritual blessings are bestowed upon you.
For some people who have great parents, this is super-easy. But if your mum has a major personality disorder, even the most basic goodness towards them can be extremely difficult, because of what they’ll do with your good will and how they might try to throw it back on you, just to get one over on you.
The solution is NOT to try and stick your mum in the Nafs Mastery Program. Nope - that would be way too easy.
The solution is to find the source of Love greater than that which you expected and hoped for from your mum.
The source of that Love can only be found within your own heart and consciousness. Allah, the Source of all Love, blesses us all with it, as part of our spiritual ‘software’ - our ‘fitra’, or natural disposition that we’re all born with.
If you want to find it, simply quiet your mind.
Empty yourself of all thought forms and enjoy absolute inner-silence and inner-peace. Maintain this for a while and you’ll soon find yourself filled with an awareness of Allah’s Loving Presence. All the love you’ve ever hoped for fills you from within.
It is only from this place that we can ever hope to fulfil this Prophetic and Quranic injunction to be continuously good to our parents and never even say ‘uff’ to them.
Am I in denial? Is this asking too much? What about when the family members are REALLY bad? Have I never met people with crazy parents?
I’ve conducted literally thousands of coaching sessions with Muslims from all over the world, some of whom have come from unimaginably dark situations.
If you want a way out of the darkness and into the loving light of Islamic wisdom, take a step in this direction:
www.mamoonyusaf.com/nafs-mastery/
P.S. You might have noticed I didn’t answer the question. There are some situations in which cutting people out is necessary. For the exact Islamic approach I was taught by a wise Sheikh, come to the upcoming Nafs Mastery workshop titled: “The Prophetic Approach To Dealing With Negative People” - but be quick.
The deadline to join is TOMORROW (Friday 4th Sept 2026) at 11:59pm UK time. After that, you’re stuck dealing with all those Negative Nancy’s by yourself!
