Basically, yes.
Now, obviously this question and answer might require some context.
Over the last decade or more, I’ve coached a lot of single women who are in their late 20s, 30s and 40s who are living in their parents’ home.
And much of the time, they’re unclear about whether they are technically allowed, in Islam, to leave their parents’ home without being married.
For context, it’s a big part of South Asian culture, particularly Pakistani, Bangladeshi and Indian culture, that a woman lives with her parents until she gets married.
The challenge is, back in the day, they were getting married in their late teens and early twenties.
But what do we do when the woman is fully grown and mature, but is in her 30s and not married? Does she have to stay in her parents’ house?
The answer – and feel free to look this up for yourself (I aint’ a shaykh!) – is that there is a distinction in Islam between being a young adult and a mature adult.
For the women in question, they are undoubtedly mature adults, and they can choose to live wherever they want. Islam gives them that permission. In Islam, there are different schools of thought – some say ‘mature adult’ is defined by whatever the customs and social norms of society are. In the Maliki school, it’s simply the age of 21 – at that point, you’re meant to be totally independent and your parents job is complete.
This doesn’t mean it’s always the wisest thing to move out – that depends a lot on context.
If you’re living in London and it costs you thousands or tens of thousands of pounds every year just to have your own apartment, it might be wiser to stay with your parents.
If you get on great with your parents and they don’t restrict you in any way, maybe it’s fine to stay at home. And maybe they’re elderly and you choose to stay in their home to look after them.
Whatever the case, for many people who use Islam as their compass to figure out what’s right and wrong, it can be comforting to know that even if South Asian culture, or perhaps Arab culture, may be against it, it is totally permissible for a woman to move out when she’s ready.
What the law says is one thing. What culture says is another. But what you choose to do is the main thing. And it’s ultimately determined by what you’re emotionally ready to handle – in this case, parents feigning outrage and giving out guilt trips.
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