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If I could summarise all the advice I’ve ever given to hundreds of Muslims looking for marriage advice over the years, this would be it:
Attraction is not a choice.
If we get real for a second – you do not have any choice or control over who you’re attracted to. If you did have control over it, then you would reserve that feeling until you met someone who matched up perfectly to your criteria, and they agreed to commit to you, then after you’re safely married, with the nikkah contract in place, you’d ‘flick on’ the attraction switch and everyone would live happily ever after.
There would be no heart-break, because you wouldn’t fall for the wrong person.
Ah, how wonderful life would be…
Of course, there would also be no adventure, or fun, or the spiritual elevation that comes from making the decision to not act like a crazy-fool in front of someone you’re incredibly attracted to, because you know they’re all kinds of wrong for you.
So, there is a flip-side to this sage-advice.
Attraction is not a choice. What you do with those feelings of attraction usually is.
You’re human, so you’ll feel everything there is to feel before you’re done with life. However, that doesn’t mean you have to act on every feeling, or impulse, just because it popped into your mind on a random Wednesday afternoon.
The Inside-Out Paradigm I teach in my best selling book, “Inside the Soul of Islam”, and in all The Ocean programs, is not about ‘turning off’ feelings, or being ‘intellectual, not emotional’ or anything like that. It’s about understanding what does cause our feelings, and what doesn’t, so we can be a bit wiser about what we choose to do with those feeling, and make the most of life.
If you feel an uncontrollable desire and attraction to be a member of The Ocean, so you can get access to the “Meet Him & Marry Him” program, for example, that’s probably not a choice. However, being savvy enough to act on that desire by signing up right here, is a very wise choice indeed:
The Ocean – Access “Meet Him & Marry Him” & Mamoon’s Best Inside-Out Trainings.