One of the most dramatic shifts that happens for people after discovering The Psychological Switch and insightfully realising the truth of it, is that their relationships transform. -even the really hard ones.
If you are in any kind of a tough relationship, whether it’s with your spouse, your kids, your parents, your siblings or a work colleague, then these seven tips may benefit you:
1. Quality Time:
Spend more quality time talking one to one with the person you’re having trouble with. For your partner, ideally one hour per day.
2. Separate Realities:
Recognise that you and the other person live in completely separate realities. They can only see things their way, based on their thinking. You can only see things your way based on your thinking. You don’t need to convince them to see things your way or get frustrated that they don’t, once you recognise this fact.
3. They Can’t Cause Your Feelings:
Recognise that nothing anyone does or says has the power to cause your feelings. You may feel angry, upset, hurt, guilty or frustrated at the behaviour or words of another person. But that’s because when you do, it’s 100% because of your thinking in the moment. That’s why you’re having the feeling.
4. Change Your Expectations:
Instead of trying to change the other person’s behaviour, change your thinking and expectations about the other person’s behaviour. It always looks as though if their behaviour would change then I would feel better. And it’s always the case that you can feel better even without their behaviour changing.
5. All Relationships End:
Recognise that this relationship will end either through death or separation. It may continue or re-continue in Paradise, but in this world every relationship ends. This makes us much more appreciative of each person we are blessed to encounter.
6. Realise How Blessed You (And They) Are:
You are lucky to have them in your life and they are lucky to have you in their life. You could replace them and they could replace you. They can be absolutely okay without you just as you can be absolutely okay without them. They are also choosing day by day to be with you just as you’re choosing day by day to be with them.
By not recognising the other person’s worth, we can undervalue them and take them for granted.
Without recognising that you are immensely valuable and that you can absolutely live happily without them and that you can absolutely create new relationships with new people… you start to undervalue yourself and other people might take advantage of that.
7. Conscious Red Lines:
Have red lines that are un-crossable. Most people never consciously think through what behaviour is completely unacceptable (to the point of it being worth ending a relationship altogether). Instead, most people have lots of grey lines that people sometimes cross and they forgive them and let them get crossed again, and the drama goes on and on….
I don’t.
I have a couple of extremely strict red lines and it doesn’t matter how close a person is to me. If they crossed that line, it’s done. I can love them and I can forgive them but I won’t be in any kind of a relationship with them anymore. This isn’t because I’m so hurt that they crossed the line. It’s because the fact that they crossed the line means that their values allowed them to and I don’t want people in my life who have certain values.
I may wish them well from afar, and pray for them to get more insight and transformation from wherever is best for them. But I wouldn’t be the person to provide it, through friendship, or coaching, or any form of relationship.
So there you have it.
Seven ways that can change the way you look at and improve all of your relationships.
I should probably add an 8th, super obvious way to do it.
The way that actually makes all the other 7 methods happen, in real life. And that is…
Talk with a Certified Switch Coach.
If you’re finding it hard to manage with your marriage, your kids, or your extended family, you’ll almost certainly experience immense relief and clarity when you get the perspective of one of my coaches.
Go here and let all your relationships be filled with ease and grace forever more…
