Over the last few years, I’ve coached and advised many women in their 30s and 40s who are so exasperated on the journey to finding love, that they find themselves in a position where, realistically, if they ever want to have kids, they’re going to have to freeze their eggs.
This happens for a multitude of reasons, and through absolutely no fault of their own – obviously. And bizarrely enough – this has nothing to do with how attractive they are or whether they’re ‘marriage material’. I know of several objectively attractive women who are totally ready for love, who are in this situation.
There are dozens of social norms that are leading to this situation – here are a couple that come to mind…
- When Muslim women are young adults, they’re often told they should never talk to boys or men. Some of this social conditioning hangs on for too long, and even when they’re fully mature, they’re still very shy when it comes to interacting with the opposite gender.
- Many Muslim women have had terrible experiences with rishta’s, arranged marriages set up by their parents, apps like MuzzMatch, or websites like SingleMuslim. As a result of so many bad experiences, they develop an aversion to the whole process of trying to find someone.
- A lot of women of this age have either been married or engaged and had their heart broken and trampled on several times over. It seems more realistic to buy themselves more time by freezing their eggs than to somehow magically speed up the process of meeting a good man.
- A lot of Muslim men in the West, after struggling to find a partner, will “marry back home,” meaning marrying a woman from a country they themselves rarely visit and maybe don’t even speak the language. This leaves women in the West who are from the same countries of origin, with fewer options for suitable partners.
And the list goes on.
There are many more factors, but this gives you an idea.
It’s becoming more and more common.
Not because good men aren’t out there also searching, but because most people don’t know where to look, don’t know what to expect, and don’t realise how humbling, resilient, and hard the journey to finding love can be.
As soon as we get married, we seem to forget about the whole thing and move on, not giving much thought or attention to the absolute NIGHTMARE we had to go through to find our own partners – or without realising how incredibly LUCKY we are that the whole thing just ‘worked out’.
The point is, I want everyone reading this email who’s still on the journey, to actually get there and feel the tremendous joy and gratitude of being married to your optimal partner, and God willing, having an abundance of children if you so choose.
I can’t do much to make that dua happen, apart from this:
If you haven’t already, there is a very powerful program I created called, “Meet Him & Marry Him”.
Many people have gone through it, taken it seriously, implemented it relentlessly, got coaching from me when needed… and eventually found love – probably much faster and with less pain than if they tried figuring it all out on their own (albeit, much slower than everyone actually wants it to happen… these things take an unpredictable amount of time).
If you want to “tie your camel” then this is something else you can do while your eggs are chillin’… check it out here:
