In-laws.
The #1 reason for divorce.
I guess that’s why some people call them “out-laws”.
In my line of work, I’ve heard all kinds of horror stories, ranging from:
- Mother in-law turning the wife into a full-time live-in maid
- Mother in-law giving the son constant guilt-trips every time he spends time with his wife
- Father in-law being abusive to his son’s wife
- In-laws giving the son’s wife grief for spending time away from their home
- Parents guilt-tripping the son into not moving out (especially in South Asian families)
- And this doesn’t even scratch the surface. The list goes on and on…
The central theme tends to be the husband being torn between the unreasonable demands his mother has and keeping his wife happy, despite what his parents are doing and saying to her.
This gets especially bad when the guy’s mother puts more and more unreasonable demands on his wife. This can range from expecting her to cook, clean, host gatherings for extended family and friends and be the all-round live-in maid.
The solution to all this is extremely simple, and it’s given by a beautiful religion you may have heard of called, “Islam”.
Here’s how to completely solve all the issues in-laws bring to the table in one fell swoop.
(For the record, almost no-one does this, even though it’s the optimal Islamic approach. Probably because it runs completely contrary to many cultural practices).
The solution is 100% in how the man approaches his own mother.
Here’s what the man needs to do:
Go to his mother and say:
“Ya Ummi, my dear beloved mother. I am your servant. My paradise is under your feet. Anything you want, I am at your service. If you have any demands, requirements, needs, please let me know and I will do them immediately.
I sincerely request that you do not give ANY jobs or tasks to my wife, because you’re robbing me of Paradise. I am eternally rewarded for any small task I do for you, but for her she gets only a tiny fraction of the reward, because you are my mother and her non-blood relative.
In fact I have told my wife if you ever ask anything from her, she must tell me immediately so that I can do it, instead of her, so as to not diminish my enormous reward.”
Then, he can go to his wife and say:
“Sup Bae. If my mum gives you any tasks or demands or grief, I want you to tell me immediately and I’ll take them off your plate. Don’t worry about trying to ‘please’ my mum or be a good daughter-in-law. Save that energy to focus on being a good wife instead 😉
You have virtually no responsibility towards her – only I do. If you ever genuinely WANT to do something good for her, out of charity, then feel free… but I’m keeping my eye on you. The minute I see you doing anything you don’t want and that’s really my duty, Im taking it off you immediately. Same goes with my dad and other family members asking anything from you.”
So simple.
And yet so rare.
You see what’s happening here?
The mother now stops all the unruly demands, because her little prince is insisting on doing them (and as a result he actually goes higher in her good books, if that’s possible). Plus, he literally does get way more spiritual reward by serving her. And let’s face it – no-one can argue against the religion card of the son wanting to keep all the reward. We all know how much emphasis that’s given in Islam.
Meanwhile the wife thinks he’s the MAN, because he just saved her so much grief. And with all her time and energy freed up, she’s likely to make herself happy (and reward him more)… which is all the guy wanted in the first place.
You’re welcome.
Want more ways to improve your relationships and deepen your connection with Allah? Or figure out how to apply this logic and wisdom to the complexities of your own situation?
You know what to do. What are you waiting for… your in-laws’ permission?!
To apply for a “Session” with me, the first step is to sign up for the Switch Masterclass and watch it carefully:
