The 5 Laws Of Enlightened Relationships


I’ve been blessed to have had wonderful relationships with very special people and I’ve certainly had some relationships with family and friends that can only be described as dysfunctional. I’ve been through heart-breaks and I’ve broken hearts. And the chances are, if you’re human, you’ve also been hurt at one time or another. You’ve also been lied to, or scared to tell the truth.

Every once in a while someone shares an insight with you, that can change your reality forever. A slight shift in perspective is sometimes all it takes for you to completely transform an area of your life. For me, that happened when my friend (and coach), Christian Mickelsen shared these 5 insights about relationships with me. I call them the “5 Laws of Enlightened Relationships”.

Before getting into the 5 Laws, there are a few things you need to know about these laws up front. Firstly, if you immediately don’t agree with one of them, it probably means you have some inner work to do. When you do that inner work, all of the relationships you attract into your life will likely improve.

Secondly, these laws come from the perspective that a successful relationship is not one that lasts forever. Rather, it’s one that enhances the lives of each of the people that make up that relationship, while it lasts. Ultimately, no relationship lasts forever, except perhaps in some esoteric, spiritual sense. The sufi al-Ghazzali brilliantly summed up this idea:

“Live as long as you may, and know that you will die. Do whatever you want, and know that you will be held accountable. Love whomsoever you please, and know that you will taste its separation.”

The 5 laws are immediately applicable to romantic relationships, but they are equally applicable to all of your other relationships, including family, friends and work colleagues. The great thing is, you can start living by these 5 laws yourself, and all of your relationships will either improve, or crack under the pressure of your personal growth, opening up the opportunity for you to bless that relationship, and move on to something better.

You’ll soon find you no longer respond or react to the emotional games people unconsciously play, and by becoming more aware of yourself, which will hopefully happen over time as you follow your path of spiritual growth, you won’t play those unconscious games either. Instead, you’ll be free to enjoy every moment you’re blessed to spend with the special people in your life.

A question that often comes up when I share these gems of wisdom with clients is: “That’s great, but how do I get my partner to do this too?” Well, my suggestion is, first get extremely comfortable living by these laws yourself, and accept your partner as they are. You can’t change them – they can only change themselves if they so choose. However, when you feel inspired to you can either share these ideas with your partner (perhaps even get them to read this blog); or accept that your partner may not be as invested in personal growth as you are. And that’s completely okay, as long as you’re okay with it.

My belief is that a truly successful relationship is one which, while it lasts, embodies these 5 Laws. Try them out for yourself, and see what happens.

  1. Make Yourself Happy. (No-one Else Can).
  2. I Get Upset Because Of Me, Not Because Of You. (And I Never Accept Abuse).
  3. Tell The Truth. (Especially When It’s Hard).
  4. Be Respectful. (Especially When You’re Angry).
  5. All Relationships End. (Do Your Best With Them While They Last).

If you have any questions, or one of these doesn’t seem to be working for you, feel free to write a comment below. 🙂

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Categories : Relationships



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